I’m struggling with my spinal issues. I’m having a really tough time but that’s how it goes. When you have an illness or disability or both, you’re going to have ups and downs. I know that. It’s kind of like, ‘deal with it.’ OK. I will. I am.

I have been staying in bed nearly all day for at least the past week. Of course the chain reaction is that my legs get weaker and I get more wobbly. It’s time to do some of that reaching deep down inside again. It’s a matter of attitude, but darn it is hard.

For example, just today I didn’t want to move. It’s hard to find a comfortable position, but I was in a fairly good place. If I don’t move, I don’t hurt. It’s sort of like that. But that survivor voice inside of me was telling me that the longer I lay there, the weaker I get. It took that voice a while, and I got up.

I swept the place and steam-cleaned the tile floor, as well as do three loads of laundry. After dark, I walked (using my walker with wheels) to the mailbox. I cooked a chicken breast seasoned with marjoram for dinner. It’s much better to answer that voice.

As I type this I realize that I have not attained my level dosage of Lioresal (liquid Baclofen in my Intrathecal Pump) yet. I was told it could take up to 6 months after the implantation of the pump. I’m just coming up on 4 months. I’ve got time to navigate I guess.

I recall both my Rehabilitation doctor and my Physical Therapist both telling me that with spinal cord/nerve damage, symptoms may continuously vary. (I need to reaffirm I understood that correctly.) That is unsettling for me at times because just when I get to a place where I feel like I can handle it, some function of mine or sensation starts to change. How long will it take me to accept these sensations? I always thought if a person had spinal cord damage, you either had sensation or you didn’t. I never knew there was an inbetween…sort of. The burning of my feet is miner compared to the sensations inside my body. The body is just too fascinating for me at times!

I’m thankful for my good doctors, though. I remember when I was going to a group who were not cutting it for me. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to find new doctors, and what a grand team I have now! What would I do if I were still being attended by the previous doctors and feeling like I do now?