I know what I want to say, but I don’t know how to do it. I’ve written several entries on this, just to delete them.

Maybe I don’t know what I want to say, I’m not really sure.

I guess I find myself feeling alone in some ways. Oh, but I’m not alone. I have two wonderful sons. I have two wonderful daughter-in-laws. And I’m very close to one of my daughter-in-laws mothers. She is wonderful. I have one sister, I’ll call her Sister #2 (since she’s second oldest), and she is very loyal. Yes, I truly do have a great group of supporters.

I am single and have been single for quite some time. I wonder why it took me this long to have a vague idea of what to look for in another person. I let too many red flags go by in past relationships. I passed up the good guys and somehow always found myself with a wrong match. So much time wasted.

Then at 50 years old I am diagnosed with a terminal cancer. There’s no one to share that “through sickness and in health” thing with!! It can be quite scary. I did work myself through this idea where when one spouse dies, the remaining spouse is left alone.

I have found that no one wants to really hear how much it hurts or how miserable you are. No matter how much you know it hurts, no body wants to hear it unless they can fix it. It’s frustrating for others to hear your constant complaints because they’re left helpless. They really do care, but there’s nothing they can do about it.

Sure, the very thoughtful and in-touch type of person understands that as long as a person is not one of those chronicle complainers, that it’s important to be a good listener and show compassion and understanding.

But how can the typical person show understanding unless they’ve experienced it, too? They cannot and it is not their fault.

I know that it is important to talk and express your feelings, both good and bad. It is equally if not more important to face it, keep doing what you can to alleviate it, but look forward, for heaven’s sake. I understand all that – and I am a ‘move forward’ type of person.

But oh how I would love to talk to another who knows what I am talking about. It would have to be someone who experiences the nerve pain and damage as I have. I just want to compare notes.

Nerves are hateful little creatures. Before this, I could never have imagined this feeling of discomfort and pain. Even reading my descriptions would not make it clear – unless I experienced it, too.

So, I think I’ve summed up this entire entry. I just want someone to whine to don’t I? Ha! Perhaps that is true.

No. But I have a strong need to share my symptoms with another with similar issues. I would wager there are others out there feeling just like I do.

I’m already there! A Support Group! The problem is meeting together in person because not everyone may be able to drive or have easy access to transportation. But, this is certainly an avenue I intend to persue – sometime in the future. I want to be at a place where I feel stable and ready to make a connection. We will see.