Cindy’s Multiple Myeloma Blog

First of all, Mandy returned on the porch at 4:00AM.  The steroids have had me going and I’ve been up til 2:45AM reading.  (I will not do that anymore, it is not wise.)  I turned out the lights at 2:45am with a prayer similar to this: “Lord, you can do anything; You work miracles.  If it is your will, please let Mandy be OK and return. Please make it that she really was just working things out and that she is OK.  Please forgive mme with how I did not handle this well. Amen.”

At 4:00AM  I had to go to the bathroom. I could tell my poodle wanted to go outside.  And there was that familiar body form: Mandy.  She was wet and eating dog food.  I was elated!   Of course I loved and petted and greeted her.  I immediately got her a bisquit and a new bolw o fdog food in which she began to hog down.  I knew eating was a good sign.  Then I just opened the door and she came right  in.  So, I brought her food in and let her stay inside.  I figured that I could keep her close so that she would not run away again.  She can walk, just limps on her right leg really bad.  After she ate, she lay on a little dog bed by my bed.  She seemed comfortable and was not whining in pain.  Rather than call the vet, I thought she would be OK a few more hours. 

I wonder where she was all this time?  Working it out for sure.  I didn’t mean to sleep until 9:00am, but I think it was that late, maybe a little earlier. I got up and dressed and it was so hard because my legs are still so weak.  But, I somehow did it.  I was able to coax her to the back of my car.  I chanced it because she’s not used to a leash, but she faithfully followed me. Once at the back of my car, a Subaru Forrester, I had already had  the back hatch open.  She immediately lay down. I’m thinking “oh oh” as I am weak.  But, I was able to lift her front to the car, and then sort of grab her butt-fur and get her in, then quickly shut the hatch before she jumped out.  I hit my shoulder hurryging, but no harm done.  Whew!  I made it.  My vet’s office are wonderful people.  I’d called ahead and told them I was coming. They said if I had a cell phone, to call as I drove up and they’d come right out to the car and help me. 

As I began to pull out of the drive, Mandy started whining and shaking.  Being the flighty-type dog she is, she can go into a seizure when she gets excited.  She started acting like she wanted to hop over the seat and come forward.  I told her to stay; she obeyed.  She’s such a good girl.  Then I remember after reading Scripture the night before where it said to sing and praise the Lord.  I started singing my own praise, thanks, prayer, whatever songs to the Lord.  If I may say so myself, I was impressed with my bad-self.  I created neat lyrics and tune even, and many times I even rhymed.  I thanked God for what He did, I adored Him, I praised Him, I asked Him to calm Mandy, I just sang my heart out.  Mandy actually calmed down and lay down.  God is so in control. 

The vet has her for now.  He felt her shoulder and arm and thinks nothing is broken, but just very very sore.  But, he’ll xray her and look her over.  That was 9:30AM and it’s now 4:25PM.  I haven’t heard anything, but I figure no news is good news for now.  She really didn’t look bad at all.  I really think she is going to be OK, though she may have arthritis and a not-so-good shoulder the rest of her life.  At the worst case, at least I have her where they can remove any pain.  I do not want her suffering. 

So, on the Mandy front, I am so relieved.

What an eventful day afterwards, though, and I feel so good at how much I continue to improve.  First, I met a lady on the way out of the vet that I used to sort of know.  Well, we just knew that we both worked at Sprint and that we both had horses.  She went to the same stable up the road I used to go to, to learn the Parelli Natural Horsemanship techniques.  That is about all we knew each other.  I don’t think she had any idea I’d got cancer, etc.  (in 10/05).  By now, she’s been laid off of Sprint, so we both are bumming for different reasons.  We had a great conversation about God and faith.  We spent nearly 45 minutes getting acquainted for the first time.  I hope we contact each other again, even if just through our horse-email chain.  She (Kathy) is a very neat lady.  We hugged good-bye and I nearly fell.  Had she not held on to me really good and lifted me up, we both possibly could have ended up on the sidewalk.  My balance is exceptionally bad now plus I’d been standing still so locked up, then, when someone hugs me, it does put me off balance if they don’t k now to hold on to me a bit before letting me go.  But, no fall, and a semi-graceful good-bye.

I had an hour before I had to be home for the ‘exit interview’ from the Home Health Physical Therapists.   I stopped by the pharmacy that has that walker with wheels and brakes I’m drooling over.  They sold the one they had out, but they have more a few doors down.  It costs about $120.  I need to be patient and wait for the doctor to prescribe it so Medicare can pay for it or some of it.  But, I want and need one right now.  If I can be mature I can wait until 6/26 and just get one then.  I know that I will also want just a little plain walker.  I know that sounds crazy, but if you need a walker, well, there can be different situations for one or another.  This one I like is good in that it will let me move with ease, has a seat if I need a quick rest…but it’s not designed to sit in like a wheelchair, and I think it has an optional basket.  I think this walker would be a benefit.  Then, just one of those plain walkers might be nice around the house or for walks or short trips.  The other one just has “accessories” and “options” like the brakes.  OH..and ya know what, I may not need more than a cane most of the time.  I don’t use a cane 100% in the house, but the fact that I have been so weak and having this steroid problem, I have been using my cane just to be safe and have balance. I do not want any accidents.  So,….what to do.  I see myself charging that walker.  I just know me.

I did look at shoes they had, as I don’t have good shoes for my feet now. I have peripheral neuropathy really bad in my feet.  They hurt, feel tingling/burning, and like they’re touching each other.  Bottom-line, I’m supposed to take care of my feet like someone who has sugar diabetes.  I need balance, roomy toes, etc.  They had these black shoes that feel and fit so good.  They were “try on” shoes and I bought them.  I got a 30%  discount and still paid about $120 for them.  I don’t care, though, because compared to the comfort and ability to walk, they are 100% than the tennis shoes I’d been wearing.  The tennis shoes do not have the toe room, comfort, or balance support that these somewhat ugly black shoes have.  They’re not all that bad.  They’d look better with long pants or jeans versus shorts I suppose, but right now I’m into functional, safety, and comfort.  I am wearing them now and they feel good.

So, I went home and was hoping the PT ladies would be late, as I had not had my little ritual breakfast I’ve learned to love.  Rice Krispies with thinly sliced bananas, fresh strawberries, milk and sugar.  Then toasted bagel with lots of cream cheese, and a nice big cup of coffee with lots of cream and sugar.  I have had that exact breakfast not only since I’ve been home from the hospital on 5/31/08, but I had it often in the hospital…less the strawberries.  I don’t always have fresh strawberries.

So, I got my breakfast and then here comes the ladies. They were very nice and while the exit interview took a while due to the paperwork (that had to be done via a slow computer), it was fine.  I enjoyed the ladies.  I had to answer some questions, do some exercises, etc. 

They did not notice and I’m sort of embarrassed to admit, but that is what this blog is for: help, experience, and honesty…but I weeweed my pants a bit.  This is a new me with this pressure and numbness.  I don’t want to be too optimistic or imagine things, but I am both adjusting better but maybe functioning better..not sure.  But, I still must be careful.  I never had bladder or leaking problems in my life, so I realize I’m lucky since some women just do.  But, after this big morning and all its activity, all the coffee and milk I had, then the girls here a while and I had to move around putting more pressure there on a full bladder, as they walked out the door I realized I had a little urine in my pad.  That is why I wear pads now, I suppose.  Unfortunately, though, I needed to clean up and change things.  I should have went to the bathroom when the ladies were here, and definitely before they had me do exercises.  Simple considerations like that would eliminate any accidents. So, adjust Cindy.  Maybe this is too much information, but again, I think others can get depressed and horrified when new things happen to our bodies.  We can get through this stuff.  We really can.  We just need to embrace change and say, “OK, now what?  I can do this.” 

OK, so then, the PT ladies go, I clean up, and I’m happy that Mandy is alive.  I decide to do a few things around here, like I’m doing my laundry.  It feels so good to have your laundry all done.  I have done 2 loads of throw rugs, one load of my jammies, one load of my whites (undies/socks). I folded the sheets in the dryer.  All I have left is a load of towels and my colors (shorts/tops).  I may do my kitchen towels tomorrow, as I wash them separate of everything.  I feel so good.

Then, I swept the house (with sweeper of course).  It was not a perfect job, but it picked up the dog and cat hair and other yuck.  Then I put Lysol in a bucket of hot water and took a sponge mop and went over all non-carpeted flooring.  It also may not have been the most perfect job, but it picked up dirt that would be still be there had I not.  It will feel good to feel the clean kitchen floor on my bare feet soon. 

THEN, I decided I am done.  I deserve to be done.  I did good today.  I was tired after all that.  I went to get my laptop, and still wearing those tennis shoes, and what did I do?  I fell on the floor at the end of my bed with laptop in hand, but I saved the laptop.  I somehow managed to set it up on this seat-bench as I dropped to my knees. It was not a bad fall.  I barely rug-burned my knees.  It was not a hard fall.  I somehow know how to go with a fall.  But, learning my limitations.  Like when I was emptying the Lysol in the tub, I was sitting on the side of the tub.  My butt is so numb I sometimes can not tell if I’m sliding off of something.  Yep, I slid on the floor, but no harm done.

So, today was my first falls. I was careless.  I need to learn.  I did I think. 

I obviously picked my laptop up and made it to the kitchenette to do my blogging, which is relaxing and therapy to me.  So here I am.  

I’m now baking two red potatoes and will go shower and get all powdered up like I like to do.  I’m trying to figure out how to bake a potato so it’s moist and done but not too done on the inside with a dry and sort of hard skin that you can still eat.  I eat the whole potato. They do it in restaurants.

So, at 350 degrees, I’ve got two potatoes baking without foil right now to dry the skin out and cook the potatoes.  In an hour I’m going to wrap them in foil so they don’t get too dry and cook another 30 minutes.  I know they’ll still be edible, but let’s see what the potatoes end up like.  Restaurants serve them in foil, so I’m thinking they might do something like that? 

I think instead of or in addition to bagged potatoes, I may try those actual “baking potatoes” to see if they are more flavorful.  But I also need to learn how restaurants get the inside/outside like they do.  I love it.  I must say that KU Hospital in KC, Ks makes the best baked potatoes.  Who would ever have thought? 

So, soon…I’ll be all powdered up and clean and I’ll be eating two baked potatoes loaded with butter, S&P, cheese and lots of sour cream.  I know how to spoil myself.

And, one more note.  I am not a drug-taker.  I never like to depend on medicine for sleep, mood, pain, etc., though I do take pain medicine daily.  I have accepted that with MM. In the hospital, due to this PN and all, they gave me a sleeping pill, Tomazepam or something.  I know it’s one you have to be careful of in that you can become dependent.  I took one one night and I rested really well.  

I asked for a prescription of it when discharged and got it. I used it one night since I’ve been home.  Since I have been so wound up on these steroids, more than ever before I think, I’m going to take one of these pills tonight.  I’ve been staying up to 3:00AM and getting up 7am, 8am, or 9am with no naps.  I need to rest and relax.  I know this will be OK.  Even all the while I’d been on steroids when first on treatment, I have never used those ’calm down pills’ they give you…I think Lorazepam (ativan) is it?  I just don’t.  I’ve taken it and mainly this other stuff, prochlorizine or something for nausauea when I had a headache, but never for calming. 

So, there I go.  I’m good.  Mandy is alive.  I’m good.   

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