Cindy’s Multiple Myeloma Blog

Just checking in, though no real news. I’ve had that scratchy sore throat and feeling pretty down with that. I also had about a 2-day migraine.  I think the migraine combined with the scratchy throat  made it tougher.

I have more amunition to change doctors, not that I needed any. I’ve already made my mind up. I left a message yesterday (Wednesday) with my doctor’s nurse that I needed something to nip this in the bud. I understand this Doctor D.  works only on Tuesdays and Thursdays and she doesn’t arrive until 1PM.  If she’s scruntching everyone in in just two 4-5 hour days, no wonder she’s always in a hurry! 

 It’s Thursday night and no call.  I don’t understand this.  I have not called the pharmacy to verify whether something has been called in; I don’t feel good enough to “talk” due to my throat.  I guess tomorrow I’ll call and confirm. 

This is it.  I am scheduled to see a doctor at the Hospital 4/3/08 plus have lab work done.  Then I’m scheduled to see Dr. D 4/8/08 to discuss results.  I’m curious what my lab is and what she’ll say.  The only thing I will say that I do like about her is that she is very conservative about putting one on the meds.  I want to see how my numbers are doing plus see how she reacts to it….sort of pick her brain.  THEN when it comes time to make my next appointment, oh….I’ll let her nurse make the appointment.  But the following day I will call, cancel that appointment and remake it with one of the three other doctors. This is chicken, I know, but here’s my reasoning: first, I am curious to see what she says on 4/8/08…and I try to always keep an open mind.  This is her LAST shot to change my mind.  But if it’s “same ole same ole” with her…I can say I gave her a good girl scout try.  Second, she deserves this. I don’t feel comfortable with her for my own treatment–so how can I feel comfortable to tell her I am leaving? I’m not confrontational…unless I’m cornered and then I say too much.  I just don’t have the strength to tell hSer to her face that “this is our last appointment”.  Later after I’m seeing the other doctors, if she wants to approach me–I’d be fine.  But I just don’t feel like fighting this battle at the appointment.  That’s my right.  It’s a chicken-way of a sort, but she deserves it.  Besides, it’s not leaving her high-and-dry.  At  their “meetings” I’m sure the topic will come up.  I will be candid with whatever doctor I see.  They can tell her.  Like I’ve been told, “this won’t be the first time.”  They say ”choose your battles” and that is what I’m doing.  I just don’t want to battler her that day and that time.  Once I get confirmed back in with the other 3 doctors, if she wants to talk to me, fine.  Thirdly and finally, if I tell her that ‘we just don’t bring out the best in each other’ or ‘I think there’s a personality conflict between us’ or simply ‘I am transferring doctors and wanted to tell you’ ===I’m afraid she’ll react one of two ways and either bad.  She can get pissy and I don’t want that. She appears the type that when confronted and in her hurried mode, she’d get pissy.  It wouldn’t gain either of us anything.  OR, she might try to talk me into staying.  I’m wimpy enough I might feel like I should do it.  And really, I don’t want to say I’m transferring doctors because I won’t know their reaction until I meet with them. 

When I meet with one of the doctors, then I’ll explain to them the situation.  I’m told this has happened before and it is fine.  If not, then I will have to change to another office I think.  I’m not sure I’m happy about that, but we’ll see. 

The bad thing I guess is that these 3 doctors really specialize in SCTs and not so much maintenance.  At least that is how I understand it.  I will ask them about my concern.  I’ll ask them if they suggest I change clinics.  It’s like “either YOU accept me back or do you suggest I go to see Dr. T. at the other place.”  I can get their input as to whether they think I should move on. 

If you’re going to get a cancer, try to get a common one.  I tell you, you begin to feel really left out when you’re rare and you’re not part of an experiment. 

I need to go back to looking at my opportunities.  I thank and agree with a suggestion from “Anita” that I need to organize (my home) and simplify.  I’ve started it but stalled.  I need to move forward. 

I might sound ‘down’ but I am not.  Just consider I’m typing this with a sore throat.  I hate sore throats.  I feel good that I got through the migraine and didn’t even take migraine medicine!  I just didn’t want to put any more drugs in me.  Tomorrow I will check out the pharmacy and then if no medicine is prescribed, I will call the doctors and tell whoever answers that I need ACTION TODAY!

Oh….a final comment.  I believe God is working around me.  I’ve asked for things and it’s happening.  He is a mighty God.  I do want to simplify.  I do want to change doctors.  And I do want to try some holistic approaches to my situation.  I don’t care if I do die, I’ll die comfortably and with God’s way.  OH, I will still seek “traditional”, but I need simplicity to seek all that I can do with the free gifts God’s given me. 

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