Cindy’s Multiple Myeloma Blog

Dealing with migraines the past few days.  I thinks it’s the weather.  I was so tired yesterday after the kids left that I got IN bed at 6:30 PM.  I take my evening medicine around 8 PM so I brought it to my bedside so I wouldn’t have to walk to the kitchen to take it.  The dogs just had to deal and the poor things did until 8:00 AM this morning.  I was tired and my body joints hurt so bad. 

I’m going to write in better detail my physcial symptoms and be well-prepared for this new doctor (Dr. D).  Maybe I need to take more pain medicine.  Once I move around, I’m OK, but I’m so tired I want to sit.  It’s sort of a two-edged sword. 

Are there any other MM’rs having the same symptoms of pain and fatigue?  I wonder.  The doctors and nurse practitioners I’ve been seeing believe it’s from the medicines I’ve taken.  They say it’s not really from the cancer (MM) since my markers are low (e.g. bone marrow biopsy showed 2% cancer in marrow, which is normal for anyone I believel).  My IGG serum is in normal range but increasing. 

Last night I broke out in sweats, but I was so tired that I don’t recall a lot.  I do recall sitting up and wiping my head and my head was soaked.  Running my hand around my head my forward and temples were completely wet.  But I was so tired I stayed in bed, too tired to get up.  Too sore to get up, too. 

But the better news is at 8:00  AM when I did get up, and at first I was wondering how I’d do it, but I did and after about 5 minutes I felt better, not good, but better–wayyy better.  I just don’t get this stuff. 

So I suppose the good news is that once I’m up I’m better.  At least I don’t feel the pain I’m feeling just before and during my getting up.  There’s pain and discomfort, but I can survive it without screaming. 

Earlier today I knew just how I wanted to describe this, the pain and getting up, but now as I sit at the computer, I’m drawing a blank.  All I can do is repeat myself that I hurt and feel better once up and around.  I hope to someday hear from another MMr who’s in the same part of his or her life as me.   I want to hear this is normal.  It would even be better to hear that one can get over this part.  I won’t lose that hope but I will remain a realist.  So what does that mean?  For me it means I’ll probably continue to feel this way, not improve BUT…there is always hope.  Afterall, there is a good God.  He loves me either way, it’s just how he chooses to use me and I’m certainly fine with that.  How could I not be fine with that after what He did for all of us on that cross?  Sheesh.  No brainer.

One thing I must do is to perhaps focus more on healing.  I pray and focus on others but for some reason I don’t focus on my own healing.  I’m just existing throughout this, leaving prayer for healing up to others, and for myself I’m trying things such as juicing…well as much as I can.  I want to say ‘as best I can’ - but am I?  I just get so tired and often don’t juice.  Could I push myself more? I don’t know.  I never feel like I “try” hard enough.  I’ve always been that way, thinking, “I’m never enough” or “I just don’t try hard enough” or “I don’t do enough” — I just wear myself out with these thoughts–but I think I do try consistently in some areas.  Ya, that’s it, it depends on the subject matter.  Maybe I’m more hot and cold in trying when it comes to just some things…but what about juicing.  I try really hard, then get tired or frustrated and I don’t try at all.  I think I try to juice as much as I can and I’ll just have to leave it at that.  Some juicing is better than none juicing. 

When I woke up this morning, I thought today was going to be a horrible day.  I didn’t think I’d get past the pain.  Well, it’s a good day because I did get past the pain and got up.  The sun is out for the most part.  The day is much better than I thought it would be. 

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