Fatigue is still my biggest battle with a close contender of bone pain. I haven’t noticed much relief since stopping steroids a few weeks ago, but maybe that’s only because there were some benefits with steroids ~ like they disguise pain. I think I may just be going through an adjustment time.

When I’m tired, I don’t do it [‘it’ being some activity]. For example, I’m involved in two bible studies and I just don’t go when I’m feeling that fatigued feeling. There are times I need to push myself, but I think I know the balance when to push and when to rest.

I am extremely sore when I wake up. I can hardly roll over in bed. I have to brace my body and psyche myself just to roll over. My fingers hurt in every joint. It’s like every single joint and bone in my body hurts. Once I get up, move about, and take my pain medication, I do better. This is certainly a new normal. My “normal” changes all of the time. I accepted a long time ago that I would never be the same person I once was. But God can still do miracles, so I’ve not given up. I’m just explaining my physical condition in case you’re a fellow MMr. Most MMr’s I’ve met have had successful Stem Cell Transplants (SCT) so I don’t have much in common with most fellow MMr’s.

Since I’ve been so tired and more nauseous than usual in the past month, I haven’t juiced as much as I intend. I’m going to try and detoxify my body. I want to juice daily and intend to grow and juice wheatgrass daily. I haven’t started that yet, but it’s on the horizon.

I have not walked or done Yoga all that much through the month of October. However, I’ve been picking up on it again in the last week. My next doctor appointment is November 12th. They’ll not only do the routing CBC but the doctor said they’d run the IGG serum test. That’s the one that measures the abnormal plasma cells. The last time my number was 1100; it had increased by 300. I’m curious what this next one will show. It will take a few days for the results.

On a personal note, the best news for the past week is that Stefanie got baptized last Sunday, 10/28/07. I am happy now that all of my “babies” are baptized. Yes, my children are my “babies” and my daugher-in-laws are my “girls.” I can rest in peace now that they are all baptized. I know, I know, baptism is only a symbol of accepting Christ and not a “heaven/hell” thing ~ but it’s just the principle of it. Stef is active in her journey and that’s good enough for me.

I’m getting anxious for Lane. Stefanie is precious in her pregnancy. She’s carrying Lane real cute and ‘tight.’ She just looks very “neat” in how she’s carrying him, know what I mean? I felt like I was all slobby, but I’m shorter, too. Her 8 month old nephew, Drew, has been attending church the last few Sunday’s with his mom (Stef’s sister) Jennifer. Drew and I have a mutual attachment; I don’t mean to brag, but even Stef notices it. Drew looks at me and just smiles! And he even wants to come to me. I hold him until my arms nearly give out and I don’t mind a minute of it. Will I love Lane as much? heeee…sure I will. It’s touching to watch Adam hold Drew. It’s obvious how much Adam enjoys Drew, too. It makes Adam anticipate Lane all that much more.

Is this sick or what, but my favorite part of the day is when I shower, get in my comfy jamies, pile up in bed with my journals, books, and TV? This could occur any time after 5:00pm and usually no later than 7:00pm. I’m so blessed with my benefits and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost them. I think I’d be on the streets if I didn’t have them and had to make more money (i.e. have to work to make more money). I just couldn’t do it. I’m not consistent enough and if I tried to work a set amount of hours per week, it would catch up with me and I’d just….pass out I think! I’m not going to worry about it because God is in control. Don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in exercise and mobility, I always have been. I know that the more you sit on your duff, the weaker and more tired you get. The more you walk and/or exercise, the more energy you have. So, I try to walk and do things to not only maintain but to strengthen. Still, I could not handle working.

Last week I played with Stoney. He was amazing. Stoney, by the way, is my 8 year old gelding Arab. He’s been saddled, trailer loaded, and ridden sort of. I’ve sat on his back a few times and had him walk (me on him and walk once) and then last year took him to a 3-day “clinic” where the trainer rode him (walk and trot). Stoney is all but ready to ride. If I were stronger, I’d be on him, but I was never that confident a rider and then with having little to no leg strength, forget it right now. BUT….the future holds many surprises. He flipped me off a few times when I played with him the other day. 🙂 I figure he was flipping me off a few times when he did a slight little buck on the 22 foot line when I was making him increase his speed to a canter. I had not done this with him for along time (ask him to canter–IF I EVER have…I don’t remember even). I had him change gaits from walk, trot, and canter. It’s fun making him understand when I want him to go from a trot to a walk; decreasing gait is very interesting. He flipped me off when I first had him increase to a canter, but I think it was just new to him. Once he understood, no more “flip offs” :))) It’s fun because I find enjoyment to watch our communication improve; to watch him understand what I’m asking of him. That is an amazing thing with a horse: mutual communication and understanding. It’s breath taking.

It’s also amazing with dogs. I’m teaching Claire that in order to be let out of her dog cage she has to sit and be quiet and stay. I open the door and tell her to sit and stay. I leave the room and return and she’s still sitting there waiting to be instructed to “come” and be told that she’s a “good girl.” I don’t totally trust her in this, but she’s come a long way! Claire is the most naughty poodle I’ve ever had; no, the most naughty “dog” I’ve ever had! But, I can’t help but love her, she’s so precious and cute. Any dog eight pounds or less is “cute” no matter what. I think. 🙂

Another stray cat has arrived to my “barn cat” family. I had 3 Toms and now a 4th. I think I can catch 2 of my Toms and this new black boy is friendly. There’s only 1 Tom that I can’t catch. One of my Tom’s is a ding-a-ling. He’s been injured by a horse or car, not sure. He was injured when he showed up. It looks like his hip has been broken. He doesn’t act like he’s in any pain, he’s just wobbly in the hind quarters. He’s either got brain damaged during his injury or he was a ding-a-ling in the first place and that is why he got injured. I’m not sure I even have to have him neutered. He might be too uncomfortable to mate or he may be….gay? But, when the energy strikes me, I’ll catch the Tom’s I can and bring them to the vet I use who give bargain neuters ($20 each male). I have only one unspayed female, but I can not catch her. With 7 cats total in the barn, I don’t see how I could trap her without them ALL getting in the cage for food. Any suggestions?

In the future I need to start my camcorder journal PLUS I need to get on to my scrapbooking, crocheting, knitting, quilting, and piano playing. That is my goal anyway.